just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
