i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
