he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
