I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
