Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
These tits shall not be calmed
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
