Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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