Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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