It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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