Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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