what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
