Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
