They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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