you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
this boner is exhausting
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
