i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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