i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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