if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
