Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Randomize
