then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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