CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
this is an emotional support booty call
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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