Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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