Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
