just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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