Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
