i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
