Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
