I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
