Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I currently don't understand fingers.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
