i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
