i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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