just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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