i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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