Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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