tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
this must be what syphilis tastes like
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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