Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
