Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
