They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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