I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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