I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
