Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I died a long time ago.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize