I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
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