i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
