Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
