Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
