Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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