found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize