In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
