I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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