i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
