How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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