That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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