FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
