Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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