You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
