I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
