my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
