Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
