singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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