I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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