oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
