She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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