Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
