remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
