I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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