Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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