Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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