You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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