I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
