So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
