i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
