hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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