lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
