Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
