What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
